We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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