Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Are we still banned from the library?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
