Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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