If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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