so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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