Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
