I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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