Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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