meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
