i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
