I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
