I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just found puke in my bra..
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
