Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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