Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
