"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
