its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
