dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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