Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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