i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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