hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
