I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This toilet bowl is my home.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
