i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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