When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
