well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
