anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
