someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
