her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
