I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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