i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
