I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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