your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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