Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
