I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize