did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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