how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
