There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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