When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
