yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
