Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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