the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
