Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
