dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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