Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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