I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
