I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
someone owes me an orgasm
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
