Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
