the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
