I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
