so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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