literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
