he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize