I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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