The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i now understand why vodka
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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