Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
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