he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills