I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
