she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.