Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do