i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
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I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.