Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(408): View more from California

i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off

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(609): View more from New Jersey

One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.

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(620): View more from Kansas

He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(403): View more from Alberta, CA

He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.

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(317): View more from Indiana

that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.

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