you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Randomize
