I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
