Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
