In America we eat man semen.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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