WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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