Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
