I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
