The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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