so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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