Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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