i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
