I haven't been this sober since birth.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
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I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
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She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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