You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
