Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
