I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
